One Letter That I Wish I Could Send

So, I stumbled across this awesome blog, Letters from a College Student, where Faith tells it how it is, with the kind of honesty with which we all wish we could speak freely. I figured I'd try a letter of my own, since I'm anonymous anyway, to get a few things off my chest.

Dear Friend,

I had trouble addressing you as "friend," since I don't really consider you that anymore. I'm sorry for that, but I just don't think that we are. I'm sorry for everything that I did wrong, because I know that I had a part in it. I'm sorry that I didn't handle things the right way when I did finally stick up for myself. And I'm really sorry that it took me so long to do so.

I do, however, think that there a few things that you should be sorry for as well. The list goes on and on, but I'm trying desperately to forgive you for all of it, so I will keep it short. I wish that you had apologized for all of the times that you tried to rob my joy. I wish that you would apologize for all of the times that you pretended you didn't see my frustration and my hurt when you manipulated me. I wish that you would apologize for all the times that, because of your many insecurities, you tried to make me insecure as well. I am happy to let you know that even now, it hasn't worked. Despite your hardest efforts, I haven't let you affect my confidence. I wish that even after I confronted you, and laid everything bare so that we could work it out, that you had actually listened, actually apologized for your fault in the situation (I don't claim all of it), and that we would have been able to reconcile.

I am really sorry that we haven't been able to be friends lately, and that I doubt that we will ever be again, but I don't regret distancing myself from you. It has been one of the best things that I have done for myself, and after 20 years of letting you walk all over me, I vow never to let you, or anyone else do that to me again. Thanks for teaching me that, it was obviously a lesson that I really needed to learn.

Sincerely,

Me.

I needed that.